An Arrogant What?

Tosser. An Arrogant Tosser. Capitalised as a title because, apparently folks, your old/somewhat worn/very new friend Shady is one. Some people, not to name names, have been sharing around the hate recently, and this new title bubbled to the surface of their evil virulent ooze. AND it fascinates me. In fact, I'm not even completely sure the title is unfair in some ways, but nevertheless, it was pause for thought!

SO, it was with this new found titbit of information I stalked back into the shadycave and, like the hermit returning to civilisation must trim his glorious beard and shave his fungus infested toenails, I decided to scrutinise what it was that made me such as my title. Don't worry, I won't bore you with the personal growth tales so prevalent to most blogs, instead fast forward through to the parts that are kind of applicable and interesting to others.

1. Vocabulary.

This seemed the least problematic of Shadys' idiosyncrasies (the most being my apparent indescribable need to speak in the third person occasionally) so I found it an admirable place to start. I use a larger vocabulary than is sometimes needed, not because I want to show how much better I am than you, really, just because it actually describes how I'm feeling better to use phrases such as "indefatigably brilliant" rather than just "good". However, it has more than once gotten me into trouble and made me look like an asshole.

For instance, my friend Unnameable (preferably pronounced Unna-may-bel, as opposed to the actual word which some what detracts from the personable person she is) is a very smart person. She does things I could not be bothered with, and does them well, such as chemistry, which I respect like I respect people who could sit through the whole six seasons of Lost. Personally I'd probably have gauged one of my eyeballs out with a pencil just for entertainment instead of take part in either of the two aforementioned activities, but each to their own. However, she has the vocabulary closer to that of a well educated cucumber than a high-achieving academic. This has been a sticking point in the relationship as it basically means every time I use a word more than 7 letters long I will more often than not need to explain it.

Now, the answer to furthering the relationship would be something close to; stop being such an insufferable mother-fucker and dim it down a shade. However, the course of action I take is more like; try and teach Unnameable how to use the English language. This isn't the job of a friend, more your teacher or tutor or whatever your local learning agent cares to call themselves. BUT because I know something, I feel a need to pass it on.

Thereby looking like an arrogant tosser.

However, I feel this is something more than just I suffer from, as many people have a better vocabulary than old Shady here, and probably get more annoyed at not being understood than myself also. Therefore I kept exploring the wilderness of my person and trudged deeper into the heart of darkness.

2. Clothing

Apart from every other person assuming I'm homosexual from the way I dress causing crippling self doubt in this area, I always thought I dressed reasonably. Apart from that time I dressed up as Adam Ant and decided to become a highwaymen. That was understandably a mistake. I like shirts, shoes and jackets. Shopping is something I enjoy more than most and I probably spend more here than is usually needed in search of something unique and cool.

But was it this nigh obsession with the clothing that was causing my image to be diminished in such a way it would possibly tear Li-Lo from her chicken and cocaine diet? It seemed possible, I was told I overdress. I also bought such ridiculous items of clothing as: Japanese Biker Goggles (Not suitable for riding a bike with), Neckerchiefs (Never to underestimate the power of the Bandito), Cravats, Oversized head-phones (not actually used for listening to music), Bow-Ties and Suspenders. Maybe it was this, may I say, boisterous choices of clothing that caused the issue?

But then I realised that if Smith and Preston of the Matt varieties could pull off these combinations in their respective time-slots, surely they are merely quirky rather than jarringly strange and alienating?

Onward we plod through the cratered desert of my psyche.

3.My Blogging?

This was quickly dismissed as my blogging exists in surges similar in timing to the releases of Tron films and my 3 or so readers aren't those who would think too badly of my tosser-y arrogance.

4.My Arrogant Tossering.

It was now I entered the palace at the centre of my mind, the salty, saucy inside of my inner Chicken Kiev, and stumbled upon the answer. Right next to my giant golden statues of Tim Burton, Joss Whedon and Paul Dempsey, standing like erect, flat bottomed sponge fingers. Surrounded by frollicking ferrets reminiscent of fennel sausages and other related breakfast items. So large it nearly blocked out the sun, beating down like some massive molten Malteser in the sky, it hit me.

I really was quite hungry.

But then I stopped thinking about my stomach for a second and realised I too, like my idols, was a statue held upon a pedestal. I realised then. this is who Shady is. Get over it already.

Now if you'll leave me alone I'll return to my Final Fantasy and not post for another 2-3 weeks.

Thanks Folks, This has been Shady.

Apathetic Way To Be

We're only very temporarily gonna break the cycle of the double edged sword of being lazy and being bored.

It is time yet again for another post by Lieutenant Renji, I know that you have all been waiting for it. Anyone who has been following D.I.D. a Mess will see that I have been in a posting mood in the last few days as I have just recently posted on that blog (hint, hint, nudge, nudge go read it when you have finished reading this one). This is largely due to the fact that the time of exams is coming closer and I have convinced myself that by staying home instead of going out these last two nights with my friends I am somehow helping myself out with my exams. The issue with this is that I haven't actually gotten around to doing any studying, and I seem to think that writing a post is somehow more productive than being on facebook; hence the posting.

So as I sit on my couch watching North Melbourne dominating Carlton (which can mean nothing but good things for St Kilda), I realise that I am in one of my familiar states of boredom. I am thinking of the many things that I could do that would get my juices going and entertain me for the next few hours until I go to bed, but with each idea I find a reason not to do it. Perhaps I could...

Watch a DVD
I suppose I could get off the couch, walk all the way to the shelves in which our DVDs are stored, spend 20 minutes deciding which movie to watch, and then realise that watching a movie that I have seen three times already is in no way less boring that watching a game of AFL in which my team is not involved. In fact I often enjoy watching Saints-less games of football, especially when a team that was getting beaten so badly makes a good comeback (which is what is happening right now; Eddie Betts is an absolute star and I wish he played for us). So there is absolutely no point in me getting up in the first place; I couldn't be bothered.

Eat some food
This is the classic first reaction to boredom that so many people have, but it is rarely beneficial. Sure, you get the satisfaction of actually doing something involving movement, and the food often tastes good, but it is never satisfying enough. You always venture to the fridge with a specific taste in mind but when you realise that the chances of finding a perfectly cooked steak just sitting around your kitchen are relatively low, you have to settle for some toast, a slice of cheese, or a sandwich with a combination of ingredients that should never again be tasted by mankind. Another problem is that an evening snack rarely ends up being a healthy one. Don't get me wrong, I am no health freak, but when you mouth watering steak idea goes down the toilet, one often turns to the chocolate covered teddy bears, or the packet of chips that they weren't even looking for in the first place. This is why there is no point in me getting up to go in search of food; I couldn't be bothered.

Watch Bleach
I am quite far behind in Bleach and I really wish that I could catch up, but because I prefer to watch it subbed and not dubbed, I can't do anything else while watching it. I seem to be one of those freaks who, as long as there is even one person to talk to, will not log off facebook and/or msn. I hate to leave a conversation when it is completely possible for me to stay, and so watching Bleach is something that I can do only very late at night when everyone sane has shuffled off to bed. If I watch it now I will be too distracted and will not concentrate on the plot and so there is no point in watching it; I couldn't be bothered.

Surf Youtube
Youtube is an amazing website and I love to watch many of the videos that it holds in its many pages of wonder, but to be honest, unless I have a specific video to look up, I find myself incredibly bored because I do not have the patience to sift through the endless crap that is uploaded onto it. There must be something better to do on the internet, and so there is no point in going onto youtube unless I have a specific video in mind; I couldn't be bothered.

Study
This seems like the obvious thing for me to do. I am bored and I have an exam on Monday and an exam on Tuesday; I should be cramming every little bit of knowledge I possibly can into my tiny little head (and by tiny little head I mean rather large head, Shady you know what I mean). The thing is, I have the attention span of a goldfish with the species proportional ADD, so I know that by the time I get my books out and start to revise, I will already be thinking about the guy I met on Monday night, or how much I love the fact that I live so close to my 'friend' whose room is a shed outside his house, or how my photo of the two pikachu on the stumps who are electrifying the sky absolutely killed all of the photos that Shady and his brother took on Pokemon Snap. So when you think about it, there is absolutely no point in getting up to get my chemistry book; I couldn't be bothered.

I think we can see a theme forming. Basically, I couldn't be bothered doing almost anything, which seems to be my issue. As Relient K so wisely said: it's a double edged sword of being lazy and being bored; not in those exact words but that is the idea. I also think they just wanted to use that line because it rhymed. All I seem to do is complain to myself about the terrible boredom that I am so often plagued with, but there would be an easy solution if I just wasn't so damn lazy all of the time. Anyone with motivation can defeat boredom easily simply by seeing the point in doing something else. This is one of those topics where you say "oh life would be so much better for everyone if people weren't so lazy because nobody would complain about being bored and everyone would be having fun", but we all know that it will never happen.

So as I sit here on facebook in front of the television as I do every night, wishing that I had the motivation so relieve myself from this boredom, I know that this will never change and we can all pretend that we are ok with it as we rummage through our pantries for that chocolate biscuit that will fill the hole for 2 minutes. Thanks for reading.
-Renji