Hello Blogosphere. I have something to announce. It is very important and I must have your attention. Shady Lewis...Is a massive nerd.
Ok, so that was probably about as obvious as Oprahs waxing and waning cake fetish, but I felt I needed to make it unashamedly clear. Personally, I think everyone is a massive nerd somewhere inside. I'm just true to my inner nerd. Tell me for one second if someone offered you a game of Dungeons and Dragons somewhere with some friends you wouldn't take them up on it. Booze, funny figurines and a story you can mess with...and dice? It's like the ultimate board game. So why do people hate it so? (Admittedly, I've never played a game of D&D, but if someone asked me to play, I'd be all over that like Quentin Tarantino on feet). Is it because we've lived through ages of stereotypes where the jocks are the coolest, and nerds who play D&D live like a sub species of humanity? Seriously, everyone these days are geeks. It used to be if you were into computer games you were a geek. Now a majority of males, including jocks, play games such as Halo (*shudder*). Nerd culture is becoming intertwined with the commonplace, but still nerds are seen as the least cool in society.
Largely the nerd "dress-code" probably doesn't help. They're about as inconspicuous as a Goomba at Mario's birthday bash. If just for once we could get them to break out of their cheap runners, cargo pants, black shirts and fleecy pullovers it would be like biting through the calf muscle of the animal keeping nerds down. Or, you know, totally like that scene when Legolas takes down the Oliphant in Return of the King. Imagine if geeks actually SHOWED some geek chic? How often does that happen that an honest to god geek can ever have the word "Chic" attributed to him? Anything? Anyone?
Unfortunately however, the reason most nerds are still lowest on the social ladder is the complete lack of social tools one can muster (most also lack the upper body strength to physically CLIMB a ladder in the first place, but that's neither here nor there in this metaphor). I am currently undertaking one of the most superficial of all undergraduate degrees, a double degree in Games and Interactivity. This gives quite an amazing insight into who actually works in the games industry, and it is not a pretty sight people...Three girls sat in my first Interactive Games Structures lecture (of about 100 people) and around each one of them, there was a circle of chairs separating them as if they had cooties. After that circle was a group of such insurmountably socially retardant (no I mean retardant, not retarded. They are in fact impervious to social norms) dweebs gawking as if it was the first time they'd seen a girl without the aid of the internet. Come on, grow some self esteem and talk to someone! Unfortunately they never do, and instead turn to the interweb to get their social on.
But this makes for many, many nerds who are just plain mean. The nerd culture is something I believe everyone has a secret love affair with, like your cleaning lady. However, nerds themselves are largely just internet trolls looking for lulz by causing you as much pain as possible. That or grammar nazis in Modern Warfare 2. I HATE them. But this is a vicious cycle. These massive nerds have been pushed down by the stereotypes they have become defined by. If nerds were accepted, then we wouldn't HAVE asshole nerds (who I will now refer to as assherds.), but because we HAVE assherds others get repressed by the stereotypes that are to bind them to a similar fate.
Once again this has become a post about inherent wrongs in society. It seems to be a common theme for me, like Mythbusters and their complete lack of scientific content. But I can't steer away, it's like smack. One go around, and you wake up three hours later up to your ankles in frangelico with three French hookers screaming about how you beat up their monkey and ate the scented three-burner candle. Except less expensive. So I apologise for the depth with which my flippant posts always seem to dig with little or no evidence but that of the anecdotal.
SO now it's time for the shallow part.
Playing through Dragon Age: Origins has so far been an interesting experience in really working out the gaming community and critics. This game, for those how don't know, is a fantasy role playing game (RPG) where you must defeat darkspawn by stepping into the shoes of a human/elf/dwarf who specialises as a warrior/mage/rogue. Sound stereotypically familiar? It should. It's like every other generic fantasy RPG ever conceived. However, this game garners a pretty impressive score of 91 on metacritic and was lauded as the third best game of last year.
The controls handle like a wet salmon. The setting is like everything we've seen before, except with better voice acting. The abilities, weapons, armour, enemies and loot look ripped out of every D&D game offshoot ever created. The character customisation, marketed as one of the best ever to grace our humble, pixelated characters, was even pretty mediocre. So why is this game so good? Because it's exactly what most gamers want. A slab of cold, familiar, stats-based slaying of mysterious evil foes with some story in.
These days it seems if you get a done concept, get some voice actors, make the game-world big and half pretty then BAM! Quicker than a monkey with a spatula can make a shit sandwich, you have a game of the year.
However, I think my main beef with this game is I have no idea what on earth I'm meant to be doing almost ALL THE TIME. It tells you quite simply "Open your journal to view your quests". However, once I've viewed my quests (usually that classic "hey, can you get me X of this so I can give you X of this?" drivel) I actually had less clue of where I was going. Am I going to the swamps to get the flowers or the fields? I guess that lady looks pretty haggy, maybe the swamps? But the swamps have darkspawn. I HATE darkspawn. Fine, I'll go to the fields. Only I find out 20 minutes later, after looking up a walk-through, it wasn't the swamps OR the fields, it was a freaking niche next to the old church with the crier! OF COURSE!?!? Where else do flowers grow but at the feet of zealoutous monks who you can't shut up and instead make you avoid that area of the game for fear of bleeding ears.
Overall, average game. Nothing to see here folks. This has been Shady.
*Also, points to the person who can point out the inspiration for the title of this particular rant.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Shady in Montage-World
Has anyone else realised that so many recent films boil down to an endless bombardment of quick, by themselves worthless, filmographic* efforts? Seriously, half the time I watch an American action film I expect the song "We're Gonna Need a Montage" from Team America to pop up out of the blue. Stories unfold by snapshots of a real life. It's infuriating and often gives me a headache after too much of it. It's like bad sex. Sure, there are some good bits amidst the swathe of average, but you inevitably leave disappointed and unable to really remember anything specific about it.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix seems one of the best films to put here. Seriously, I spent about 5 minutes sitting here trying to remember that film. The furthest I got was remembering that pang of loathing after I realised Sirius was dead...Only I realised this on the way home from the Cinema. These films hold absolutely no emotional grip on you, because the characters are more like cardboard cut outs wheeled into frame whenever the director wants another 20 second peek into the life of the main character. Seriously, what did Ron do in that film? I can't remember anything. He's one of the main characters and as far as I can remember he had maybe 3 or 4 lines! This, of course, brings us to that argument made by so many grumpy geriatrics to so many enthralled youngsters, "Films have too much special effects these days."
And you know what, I agree with the senile old men of the world! What this means for my aging psyche I don't know, maybe by the age of 80 I'll just end up rabid and biting people who state any of the Twilight saga amongst their favourite movies. But still, films that use less CGI end up having a much deeper impact on us! Inglorious Bastards, for instance, uses incredibly little and is honestly one of the best films i've seen in recent cinema. Shutter Island, another affecting film, has even less albeit with a lot of heavy light filters.
Actually this entire post is stemmed from last weeks review of Alice in Wonderland. That film embodies everything I am arguing against here. It was pretty, sure, but you never became emotionally attached to any of the characters as they flittered in and out of Alices' singular viewpoint. Also, while the CGI was very cool in places, in completely detached you from most of the characters as they were just to freakish to really relate to, and the fight scenes became really just a melange of colour and blur effects. It's the porn star of film. Most of it isn't real, and you don't feel involved because it's quick, larger-than-life (unfortunately) and ends awkwardly.
But that's probably enough of the hating on Alice. I hear you all out there, all three of you, and I think you're crying "yeah, but if everything's so shit, what's actually good then?". Well, I hope so, because I'm going to answer that question anyway. Inglorious Basterds my friends, is a great recent film. Every scene lingers, you remember every detail, line and character because they're all quite memorable. The same goes for Shutter Island, as I mentioned earlier. Even Iron Man, a typical comic book film, had scenes that you remembered because they took their time unfolding more often then not. It wasn't some Bourne Identity hack job where if there hasn't been a jump cut within the last 3 seconds then the editor obviously isn't working hard enough. It wasn't some earlier Harry potter knock up where CGI takes precedence over story. It told it's narrative in time, while mixing in enough generic action bits and humour (with the occasional bit of product placement) to keep all the corporate, idiot and plain average types happy.
So who else is sick of the incredible amount of 90 minute Montages out there? Who wants films of substance? Who wants to remember their sex!? I mean Movies!? Well, I'm not sure what to do about it, because there isn't much we people can do against the corporate cats. Once we've paid to see a movie we don't like, they already have our money. BUT we can stop liking films just cause that cool actor is in it. Or because Tim Burton directed it. Just saying.
Thanks Folks, This has been Shady.
*I know filmographic isn't a word, but god damn I'm going to make it one.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix seems one of the best films to put here. Seriously, I spent about 5 minutes sitting here trying to remember that film. The furthest I got was remembering that pang of loathing after I realised Sirius was dead...Only I realised this on the way home from the Cinema. These films hold absolutely no emotional grip on you, because the characters are more like cardboard cut outs wheeled into frame whenever the director wants another 20 second peek into the life of the main character. Seriously, what did Ron do in that film? I can't remember anything. He's one of the main characters and as far as I can remember he had maybe 3 or 4 lines! This, of course, brings us to that argument made by so many grumpy geriatrics to so many enthralled youngsters, "Films have too much special effects these days."
And you know what, I agree with the senile old men of the world! What this means for my aging psyche I don't know, maybe by the age of 80 I'll just end up rabid and biting people who state any of the Twilight saga amongst their favourite movies. But still, films that use less CGI end up having a much deeper impact on us! Inglorious Bastards, for instance, uses incredibly little and is honestly one of the best films i've seen in recent cinema. Shutter Island, another affecting film, has even less albeit with a lot of heavy light filters.
Actually this entire post is stemmed from last weeks review of Alice in Wonderland. That film embodies everything I am arguing against here. It was pretty, sure, but you never became emotionally attached to any of the characters as they flittered in and out of Alices' singular viewpoint. Also, while the CGI was very cool in places, in completely detached you from most of the characters as they were just to freakish to really relate to, and the fight scenes became really just a melange of colour and blur effects. It's the porn star of film. Most of it isn't real, and you don't feel involved because it's quick, larger-than-life (unfortunately) and ends awkwardly.
But that's probably enough of the hating on Alice. I hear you all out there, all three of you, and I think you're crying "yeah, but if everything's so shit, what's actually good then?". Well, I hope so, because I'm going to answer that question anyway. Inglorious Basterds my friends, is a great recent film. Every scene lingers, you remember every detail, line and character because they're all quite memorable. The same goes for Shutter Island, as I mentioned earlier. Even Iron Man, a typical comic book film, had scenes that you remembered because they took their time unfolding more often then not. It wasn't some Bourne Identity hack job where if there hasn't been a jump cut within the last 3 seconds then the editor obviously isn't working hard enough. It wasn't some earlier Harry potter knock up where CGI takes precedence over story. It told it's narrative in time, while mixing in enough generic action bits and humour (with the occasional bit of product placement) to keep all the corporate, idiot and plain average types happy.
So who else is sick of the incredible amount of 90 minute Montages out there? Who wants films of substance? Who wants to remember their sex!? I mean Movies!? Well, I'm not sure what to do about it, because there isn't much we people can do against the corporate cats. Once we've paid to see a movie we don't like, they already have our money. BUT we can stop liking films just cause that cool actor is in it. Or because Tim Burton directed it. Just saying.
Thanks Folks, This has been Shady.
*I know filmographic isn't a word, but god damn I'm going to make it one.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sing It To Me #1
It’s a wonderful day down here in the small town of Merrydale, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the forecast shows nothing but clear skies for the rest of the week. It’s the perfect fake day to reveal the start of a new segment called ‘Sing it to me’, which is perfect for when I am quite bored or haven’t posted in a long time, but cannot think of anything to post about. I thought of this while sitting in my biology lecture about cell organelles thinking about how I know all of this information already; it got me thinking about other things that I know, like the lyrics to many Disney songs. The plan is to choose a song from a Disney movie and analyse it to the point of lunacy, and of course without serious intention. I hope my interpretations don’t all end up being rather sexual, but they most likely will. Today I feel the need to post about a song from one of my favourite (but not my absolute favourite) Disney sequels: ‘For a Moment’ from ‘The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea’.
Melody:
Ok, get a grip, get the hang of this flipper
She is obviously trying something new, I would say ‘flipper’ is code word for ‘penis’.
it's like slipping two feet into one big, huge slipper.
Well I did not expect such a young girl to be that loose, or that kinky.
This way left, but which is right?
Losing your virginity can be awkward; it is tough to know where you are going.
Well now I'll be circling in circles all night.
She is determined to get the hang of it, even if it takes all night and numerous sexual encounters.
(Oh, so this is forward? No problem)
She has managed to get into the rhythm now after an undisclosed elapsed amount of time in which she practiced.
I can't believe I can do this and more,
to swim in the sea like I walk on the shore.
Out of my shell, not closed up like a clam.
This is a metaphor for being able to have proper sex as easily as she can pleasure herself. She is no longer ‘closed up’ and has confidence.
Look out sea,
this is me,
here I am!
Young Melody wants the world of sex to know that she is ready for it.
For a moment all of me
is alive and at home in the sea.
This ‘moment’ of feeling alive in the ‘sea’ of sex is simply her fantastic, toe-curling orgasm that many girls have never, and will never achieve; that bitch.
I'm swirling and twirling so graceful and grand,
not stubbing my toes, getting stuck in the sand.
Melody has developed such a skill that she, unlike many women who often feel bloated, whale-ish, and awkwardly positioned during sex, is graceful like a floating angel riding a ‘horse’.
For a moment life is cool
i'm a splash in the world's biggest pool.
She loses herself in these moments, getting a thrill out of being undirected and lost, she is one step away from the blindfold and handcuffs, which leads to the whip and then in turn the leather; next thing you know she if urinating on her partner and asking him to bite off one of her toes.
This is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be.
For a moment, just a moment, lucky me.
This statement is pretty self-explanatory; this sex makes her feel good, perhaps due to some daddy issues that we have not been shown that occurred between the filming of the first and second movies.
Ariel:
If only for one moment
I had shared with you all I know.
The sea wouldn't be a mystery.
Oh why did you have to go?
Ariel, Melody’s mother, has realised that her daughter is gone and logically concludes that in avoiding the sex talk, she has driven her daughter away into the vast ‘ocean’ to find out about the mystery that is sex. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and she is doinking all of them for a reasonable fee.
Melody:
Everything's newerand brighter and bluer
and truer to life than before
watch me soar!
This refers to the bright blue pills that her pimps Tip and Dash have gotten her addicted to, and which she often accepts as payment for her sexual favours. They are just one more way to make her feel alive; to make her ‘soar’.
For a moment I can shine
got a grin and a fin that works fine.
The repetition of ‘for a moment’ is not to reiterate the fact that she is fairly good at sex, but rather to show contrast between her early sexual experiences that lifted her spirits and showed her ‘a whole new world’ (oh the Disney connections, just wait for me to sink my teeth into that one), and her new and current attitude towards selling her body for drugs and money which now seems to be her only skill; her only means to live.
My fingers are wrinkly and I really don't care
if all the curls have curled out of my hair.
Melody is finally coming to terms with the fact that the drugs are deteriorating her health with symptoms such as ‘wrinkly’ skin, and that her origins as an innocent girl trying to find her way have been cast into shadow by her now dirty hooker image for which she does not even have the energy to simply fix up her hair. She has lost all pride in her appearance and is just living client to client, pay to pay.
For a moment I can feel
all the dreams I've been dreaming are real.
Wish my mother could hear it
the sea is my song.
For a moment, just a moment I belong.
Melody is sending word to her mother that she does not wish to be found. Acting as though all is well and that her every dream has been fulfilled, she hopes to forever avoid the worried, terrified, and disappointed expression on Ariel’s face as she sees her daughter for what she has now become.
Ariel:
I will find you, my darling.
And the moment that I do
I'll hold you close, my Melody
and sing the song of the sea with you.
Sing the song of the sea with you.
Ariel, as a mother, has powerful intuition that Melody’s new life is not all that she would like it to be. She continues her search and knows that she will not be deterred by whatever her daughter looks like, but will hold her close and explain how sex should be; hopefully it’s not too late to save her once innocent mind.
Melody:
For a moment, just a moment
I belong.
Feeling that sex is the only way that she can belong, Melody is too far into her life now to be rescued and will continue to run from reality.
This song is about a young girl going through puberty and blazing hormones without the help of her mother, who shared little to no information of sex with her, so her journey was difficult. She discovered sex on her own and did not have the proper guidance, and so, ran off to discover such a thing for herself. Her path was an unlucky one and due to a certain turn of events, she eventually became a hooker. Later in the movie she meets to young men, Tip and Dash, who seem friendly and take her on an adventure; I take them to be her pimps. Her mother, Ariel, has realised her mistake and regrets not sharing with Melody everything about sex even at her young age.
This has been an experimental process and I would love to hear feedback or even suggestions of different Disney songs; I promise I will try to avoid making every single one based on something sexual. Thanks for reading.
-Renji
Melody:
Ok, get a grip, get the hang of this flipper
She is obviously trying something new, I would say ‘flipper’ is code word for ‘penis’.
it's like slipping two feet into one big, huge slipper.
Well I did not expect such a young girl to be that loose, or that kinky.
This way left, but which is right?
Losing your virginity can be awkward; it is tough to know where you are going.
Well now I'll be circling in circles all night.
She is determined to get the hang of it, even if it takes all night and numerous sexual encounters.
(Oh, so this is forward? No problem)
She has managed to get into the rhythm now after an undisclosed elapsed amount of time in which she practiced.
I can't believe I can do this and more,
to swim in the sea like I walk on the shore.
Out of my shell, not closed up like a clam.
This is a metaphor for being able to have proper sex as easily as she can pleasure herself. She is no longer ‘closed up’ and has confidence.
Look out sea,
this is me,
here I am!
Young Melody wants the world of sex to know that she is ready for it.
For a moment all of me
is alive and at home in the sea.
This ‘moment’ of feeling alive in the ‘sea’ of sex is simply her fantastic, toe-curling orgasm that many girls have never, and will never achieve; that bitch.
I'm swirling and twirling so graceful and grand,
not stubbing my toes, getting stuck in the sand.
Melody has developed such a skill that she, unlike many women who often feel bloated, whale-ish, and awkwardly positioned during sex, is graceful like a floating angel riding a ‘horse’.
For a moment life is cool
i'm a splash in the world's biggest pool.
She loses herself in these moments, getting a thrill out of being undirected and lost, she is one step away from the blindfold and handcuffs, which leads to the whip and then in turn the leather; next thing you know she if urinating on her partner and asking him to bite off one of her toes.
This is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be.
For a moment, just a moment, lucky me.
This statement is pretty self-explanatory; this sex makes her feel good, perhaps due to some daddy issues that we have not been shown that occurred between the filming of the first and second movies.
Ariel:
If only for one moment
I had shared with you all I know.
The sea wouldn't be a mystery.
Oh why did you have to go?
Ariel, Melody’s mother, has realised that her daughter is gone and logically concludes that in avoiding the sex talk, she has driven her daughter away into the vast ‘ocean’ to find out about the mystery that is sex. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and she is doinking all of them for a reasonable fee.
Melody:
Everything's newerand brighter and bluer
and truer to life than before
watch me soar!
This refers to the bright blue pills that her pimps Tip and Dash have gotten her addicted to, and which she often accepts as payment for her sexual favours. They are just one more way to make her feel alive; to make her ‘soar’.
For a moment I can shine
got a grin and a fin that works fine.
The repetition of ‘for a moment’ is not to reiterate the fact that she is fairly good at sex, but rather to show contrast between her early sexual experiences that lifted her spirits and showed her ‘a whole new world’ (oh the Disney connections, just wait for me to sink my teeth into that one), and her new and current attitude towards selling her body for drugs and money which now seems to be her only skill; her only means to live.
My fingers are wrinkly and I really don't care
if all the curls have curled out of my hair.
Melody is finally coming to terms with the fact that the drugs are deteriorating her health with symptoms such as ‘wrinkly’ skin, and that her origins as an innocent girl trying to find her way have been cast into shadow by her now dirty hooker image for which she does not even have the energy to simply fix up her hair. She has lost all pride in her appearance and is just living client to client, pay to pay.
For a moment I can feel
all the dreams I've been dreaming are real.
Wish my mother could hear it
the sea is my song.
For a moment, just a moment I belong.
Melody is sending word to her mother that she does not wish to be found. Acting as though all is well and that her every dream has been fulfilled, she hopes to forever avoid the worried, terrified, and disappointed expression on Ariel’s face as she sees her daughter for what she has now become.
Ariel:
I will find you, my darling.
And the moment that I do
I'll hold you close, my Melody
and sing the song of the sea with you.
Sing the song of the sea with you.
Ariel, as a mother, has powerful intuition that Melody’s new life is not all that she would like it to be. She continues her search and knows that she will not be deterred by whatever her daughter looks like, but will hold her close and explain how sex should be; hopefully it’s not too late to save her once innocent mind.
Melody:
For a moment, just a moment
I belong.
Feeling that sex is the only way that she can belong, Melody is too far into her life now to be rescued and will continue to run from reality.
This song is about a young girl going through puberty and blazing hormones without the help of her mother, who shared little to no information of sex with her, so her journey was difficult. She discovered sex on her own and did not have the proper guidance, and so, ran off to discover such a thing for herself. Her path was an unlucky one and due to a certain turn of events, she eventually became a hooker. Later in the movie she meets to young men, Tip and Dash, who seem friendly and take her on an adventure; I take them to be her pimps. Her mother, Ariel, has realised her mistake and regrets not sharing with Melody everything about sex even at her young age.
This has been an experimental process and I would love to hear feedback or even suggestions of different Disney songs; I promise I will try to avoid making every single one based on something sexual. Thanks for reading.
-Renji
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The green monster
"Well I have a lecture and then I am going to go see a movie with T."
So he is seeing a movie with a friend; this doesn't sound like a big deal does it?
Did I mention that this best friend is a girl? Now Renji, this just sounds like unfounded jealousy; boys can be just friends with girls and you know this; you have many male friends to whom you are not attracted in the slightest.
Did I mention that T is very attractive and has rather large boobs? Well they do say that beauty is on the inside and that looks aren't everything. In the words of my good friend Zack, "more than a handful is a waste'.
Did I mention that he asked her out a while back? He obviously likes you then since he asked you out more recently. I expect that he is over her now.
Did I mention that he was in love with her for years but endured continual rejection?
Is it not possible that he is not actually over her but has simply given up because she doesn't feel the same way, yet once she realises that he is attractive, funny, and amazing, and returns those feelings that there will be a relapse? I think so.
I am not concerned with the fact that he has friends. I have no right to stop him from hanging out with his other friends, nor do I want to, but seriously... I have sex with you, I think I deserve some time. Now, I admit that I do get time too, but why is it that I have to organise it everytime, and why is it that we have left the house once for at least the last twenty times I have seen him?
I couldn't care less that he wants to spend time with the boys or time alone with his flawless T because I know that I love hanging out with my friends. I am friends with most of his friends because of school and I was friends with them before we got together. Everyone deserves to spend time with their friends and just because they are in a relationship it doesn't mean that they have to dedicate the majority of their time with them. I don't have enough free time to hang out with M very often because of uni and work and my other friends, but the time that I do have I would have loved to see him. Now I have changed my mind.
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Well I have a lecture and then I am going to see a movie with T"
"Do you want to come over tomorrow night then? Nobody home."
"Mum and dad are asleep. I will ask them in the morning"
"Yeah ok."
End of conversation.
This happens so often that I can barely stand it anymore. Starting right now I refuse to be the first. I have waisted a lot of phone credit being the first one to send a message and although I have told myself so many times before, this time I am serious. I am never again suggesting to catch up and he can do it next time. I have had boyfriends in the past who would always want to spend time with me; not to the extent that they ignore their friends, but enough to seem like they actually wanted to see me. And another thing; when was the last time we hung out without having sex? I mean, I sure as hell enjoy that but I'm sure we can find something different to do.
I will be quite fine to go about my daily business without needing to hear from him and I won't sit and wait for a message. There are many other people with whom I can spend my time and I'm sure we can think of things to do other than sex.
To come back to the point with which I began, I am generally a jealous person. T is one of the greatest people I have ever met and I love her to bits, but that makes it worse when it comes to M. Because of my awful jealousy, I have become an extreme facebook stalker, following the every move of my current, and for some reason, all my ex boyfriends' pages. I just like to know what is going on and how many girls want in their pants I guess. It is disgraceful and I hate myself for it, but everyone does it to some extent.
So the basic idea is; I get really jealous which is not helped by M's best friend being freakishly hot, and I am giving up on trying to initiate conversation. Trust me, you will hear more about this since it is an ongoing annoyance of mine. I apologise for the lack of amazing vocabulary and the poor writing but it is late and I am ever so tired. This post could have waited until tomorrow when I would sit and wonder whether or not M would show up, but I wanted to get it out now so I could actually sleep. Thanks for reading.
-Renji
**EDIT**
Apparently they went to the zoo... I am so glad they found a lovely spot to spend the entire day together. I wonder if he already knew they were going to the zoo when he told me they were going to the movies. Fine, don't think of fun places to go with me; just take her fun places.
So he is seeing a movie with a friend; this doesn't sound like a big deal does it?
Did I mention that this best friend is a girl? Now Renji, this just sounds like unfounded jealousy; boys can be just friends with girls and you know this; you have many male friends to whom you are not attracted in the slightest.
Did I mention that T is very attractive and has rather large boobs? Well they do say that beauty is on the inside and that looks aren't everything. In the words of my good friend Zack, "more than a handful is a waste'.
Did I mention that he asked her out a while back? He obviously likes you then since he asked you out more recently. I expect that he is over her now.
Did I mention that he was in love with her for years but endured continual rejection?
Is it not possible that he is not actually over her but has simply given up because she doesn't feel the same way, yet once she realises that he is attractive, funny, and amazing, and returns those feelings that there will be a relapse? I think so.
I am not concerned with the fact that he has friends. I have no right to stop him from hanging out with his other friends, nor do I want to, but seriously... I have sex with you, I think I deserve some time. Now, I admit that I do get time too, but why is it that I have to organise it everytime, and why is it that we have left the house once for at least the last twenty times I have seen him?
I couldn't care less that he wants to spend time with the boys or time alone with his flawless T because I know that I love hanging out with my friends. I am friends with most of his friends because of school and I was friends with them before we got together. Everyone deserves to spend time with their friends and just because they are in a relationship it doesn't mean that they have to dedicate the majority of their time with them. I don't have enough free time to hang out with M very often because of uni and work and my other friends, but the time that I do have I would have loved to see him. Now I have changed my mind.
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Well I have a lecture and then I am going to see a movie with T"
"Do you want to come over tomorrow night then? Nobody home."
"Mum and dad are asleep. I will ask them in the morning"
"Yeah ok."
End of conversation.
This happens so often that I can barely stand it anymore. Starting right now I refuse to be the first. I have waisted a lot of phone credit being the first one to send a message and although I have told myself so many times before, this time I am serious. I am never again suggesting to catch up and he can do it next time. I have had boyfriends in the past who would always want to spend time with me; not to the extent that they ignore their friends, but enough to seem like they actually wanted to see me. And another thing; when was the last time we hung out without having sex? I mean, I sure as hell enjoy that but I'm sure we can find something different to do.
I will be quite fine to go about my daily business without needing to hear from him and I won't sit and wait for a message. There are many other people with whom I can spend my time and I'm sure we can think of things to do other than sex.
To come back to the point with which I began, I am generally a jealous person. T is one of the greatest people I have ever met and I love her to bits, but that makes it worse when it comes to M. Because of my awful jealousy, I have become an extreme facebook stalker, following the every move of my current, and for some reason, all my ex boyfriends' pages. I just like to know what is going on and how many girls want in their pants I guess. It is disgraceful and I hate myself for it, but everyone does it to some extent.
So the basic idea is; I get really jealous which is not helped by M's best friend being freakishly hot, and I am giving up on trying to initiate conversation. Trust me, you will hear more about this since it is an ongoing annoyance of mine. I apologise for the lack of amazing vocabulary and the poor writing but it is late and I am ever so tired. This post could have waited until tomorrow when I would sit and wonder whether or not M would show up, but I wanted to get it out now so I could actually sleep. Thanks for reading.
-Renji
**EDIT**
Apparently they went to the zoo... I am so glad they found a lovely spot to spend the entire day together. I wonder if he already knew they were going to the zoo when he told me they were going to the movies. Fine, don't think of fun places to go with me; just take her fun places.
Monday, March 8, 2010
More like Alice in Boredom Land!
Hi there. So I know I promised more musings on freedom to all of you guys (I hear there's like 5 of you now), however generally I get distracted. And this rings crystal true in this current circumstance. SO instead I'm going to write on how infuriated I am by people who give up ideas for money by ripping apart Tim Burtons' Alice in Wonderland.
****SPOILERS ALERT****
Now, see how that last sentence pretty much gives away how the rest of this blog will go? It's rather fitting, cause that's EXACTLY what happens in Alice in Wonderland. Well, ok, there is 20 minutes (if that) of painful, predictable, obligatory back-story before she reaches wonderland. She's being forced to marry someone she doesn't love! OH WOW! I'd almost feel for her...If I wasn't so jaded and hadn't managed to see that in 30-40 different movies...OK, so actually that would suck, but it's very done and I hold Tim Burton in such high esteem he might as well be some Gothic, crazy-haired Film God, made of pure gold and shitting reels of cellulose nitrate film directly into our local cinema. This film is very uncharacteristic of him.
Tim Burton has always seemed to make films which comment on the negative sides of our society in tones measuring form the subversive way, albeit with some exceptions (The Nightmare Before Christmas was a bit more in-your-face about it). He's handled it with both humour and dark grittiness (The Corpse Bride compared with Sweeney Todd). However, in Alice in Wonderland (If you can even call it that, it's a re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland...in sequel format. It's like Disney thought "Oh, let's just cut the first part of the franchise and proceed straight to the sequel this time!") he's pandered to a wider audience and decreased the clever observations. Well, actually they've completely gone out the window. There is nothing really clever about it. He seems to be beating you with a wet fish filled with despair and shamed choices to make you understand how unhappy she is. The man she's meant to marry is a horrible caricature of a real person in his pomposity and nose-size, while she's realised her sisters husband is not just annoying, he's having an affair despite his adoring wife. Her mother seems not to listen to Alice's wants, her father's dead, her soon-to-be-mother-in-law is a cold bitch and she has no friends. We get it. Most people are shits. Thanks.
Anyway. So when Alice finally does get to Wonderland after surviving the boring relatives and the 5 minute drop through the patented "Alice in Wonderland Fantasti-Hole", which sounds much more interesting then it actually is, she meets up with the same 5 characters she's dreamed of since she was 6 years old. And doesn't remember ANY OF THEM!? COME ON! SERIOUSLY? She mentioned in the backstory just recently she dreamt of them the night before! These familiar staples of Alice flicks then lead her to the caterpillar, voiced by Alan Rickman. Alan tells them that Alice will slay the evil Red-Queens' Jabberwocky and restore the white queen to power. So far so standard. Hero is unhappy with current life, gets transported to magical world, fulfils prophecy and saves world. Brilliant Tim.
What's even more infuriating about that is that they basically reveal THE ENTIRE MOVIE within the first 25 minutes. Alice DOES find the sword to slay the Jabberwocky, she DOES join the white queens forces, the red queen IS evil and ugly, the white queen IS good and pretty and the Jabberwocky DOES die. That's it, see you later.
There are only a few things that set it apart from every other terrible movie in the 'made for kids' genre recently, and that is the way Burtons' imagery manages to largely survive despite the lacklustre story and sub-par monkey writing. The world of Wonderland is beautiful, there is no denying it. The CGI is well used (albeit pretty much everywhere, many actors are lucky to have survived the brush of CGI, handled with the grace of an arthritic wildebeest.) and the imagination obviously ran wild with some things. However, much of it seems to be Burton on creative auto-pilot. Some things were cool, such as tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum, helena bonham carters head, or the Knaves elongated legs and torso, but a lot of it seemed like he just got bored and slapped it together about 3 seconds before it was created. The queens minions are basically a big cat and a big bird, the Vorpal Sword (used to slay the Jabberwocky) is a rather unimpressive shiny triangle of metal with a handle, the landscape around the red queens castle is barren and lacking any sort of impact and, last but very much the most, the Jabberwocky was ultimately disappointing. It was just a slender dragon...That's it. I don't know, but given it was Tim Burton given the creative licence to make something that ultimately embodies all the fear, shame, despair and downright darkness from two different worlds of turmoil, in a physical form, I was expecting more than the "well lets just make it like a big bad Eragon and have her cut its' head off, eh?". And that's what happened. She cut it's head off...no surprises given you saw an image of it happening at the VERY START. Then the white queen is restored, the red queen banished, but not killed (cause killing anything but talking dragons is a sin kids) and the Hatter does a dance so unabashedly appealing to the minds of small children and people who read The Herald Sun that it honestly made me want to leave the cinema and shove the excrement found in the cinema bathroom all over Johnny Depps promos for the film.
Actually I have to say, apart from the dancing, the performances were extremely solid given the complete lack of any substance in the writing. Helena Bonham-Carter did a reasonable red queen, Anne Hathaway did a superb white queen, Johnny Depp was a sometimes inspiring, oft annoying Hatter, Rickman a good caterpillar, Christopher Lee an awesome Jabberwocky for the line and a half he had, etc. etc. etc. However it didn't stop that drooping feeling of disappointment when Alice gets everything she ever wanted and just about poops out a rainbow of sheer joy.
And that, folks, is the embodiment of what I felt with this film. Disappointment. Everyone heard Burton was doing an Alice in Wonderland remake and was like "WTF AWESOME" but ultimately it barely rates a sidebar in what looks like a promising year for film. It could have been good. It wasn't.
Thanks Folks, this has been Shady.
****SPOILERS ALERT****
Now, see how that last sentence pretty much gives away how the rest of this blog will go? It's rather fitting, cause that's EXACTLY what happens in Alice in Wonderland. Well, ok, there is 20 minutes (if that) of painful, predictable, obligatory back-story before she reaches wonderland. She's being forced to marry someone she doesn't love! OH WOW! I'd almost feel for her...If I wasn't so jaded and hadn't managed to see that in 30-40 different movies...OK, so actually that would suck, but it's very done and I hold Tim Burton in such high esteem he might as well be some Gothic, crazy-haired Film God, made of pure gold and shitting reels of cellulose nitrate film directly into our local cinema. This film is very uncharacteristic of him.
Tim Burton has always seemed to make films which comment on the negative sides of our society in tones measuring form the subversive way, albeit with some exceptions (The Nightmare Before Christmas was a bit more in-your-face about it). He's handled it with both humour and dark grittiness (The Corpse Bride compared with Sweeney Todd). However, in Alice in Wonderland (If you can even call it that, it's a re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland...in sequel format. It's like Disney thought "Oh, let's just cut the first part of the franchise and proceed straight to the sequel this time!") he's pandered to a wider audience and decreased the clever observations. Well, actually they've completely gone out the window. There is nothing really clever about it. He seems to be beating you with a wet fish filled with despair and shamed choices to make you understand how unhappy she is. The man she's meant to marry is a horrible caricature of a real person in his pomposity and nose-size, while she's realised her sisters husband is not just annoying, he's having an affair despite his adoring wife. Her mother seems not to listen to Alice's wants, her father's dead, her soon-to-be-mother-in-law is a cold bitch and she has no friends. We get it. Most people are shits. Thanks.
Anyway. So when Alice finally does get to Wonderland after surviving the boring relatives and the 5 minute drop through the patented "Alice in Wonderland Fantasti-Hole", which sounds much more interesting then it actually is, she meets up with the same 5 characters she's dreamed of since she was 6 years old. And doesn't remember ANY OF THEM!? COME ON! SERIOUSLY? She mentioned in the backstory just recently she dreamt of them the night before! These familiar staples of Alice flicks then lead her to the caterpillar, voiced by Alan Rickman. Alan tells them that Alice will slay the evil Red-Queens' Jabberwocky and restore the white queen to power. So far so standard. Hero is unhappy with current life, gets transported to magical world, fulfils prophecy and saves world. Brilliant Tim.
What's even more infuriating about that is that they basically reveal THE ENTIRE MOVIE within the first 25 minutes. Alice DOES find the sword to slay the Jabberwocky, she DOES join the white queens forces, the red queen IS evil and ugly, the white queen IS good and pretty and the Jabberwocky DOES die. That's it, see you later.
There are only a few things that set it apart from every other terrible movie in the 'made for kids' genre recently, and that is the way Burtons' imagery manages to largely survive despite the lacklustre story and sub-par monkey writing. The world of Wonderland is beautiful, there is no denying it. The CGI is well used (albeit pretty much everywhere, many actors are lucky to have survived the brush of CGI, handled with the grace of an arthritic wildebeest.) and the imagination obviously ran wild with some things. However, much of it seems to be Burton on creative auto-pilot. Some things were cool, such as tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum, helena bonham carters head, or the Knaves elongated legs and torso, but a lot of it seemed like he just got bored and slapped it together about 3 seconds before it was created. The queens minions are basically a big cat and a big bird, the Vorpal Sword (used to slay the Jabberwocky) is a rather unimpressive shiny triangle of metal with a handle, the landscape around the red queens castle is barren and lacking any sort of impact and, last but very much the most, the Jabberwocky was ultimately disappointing. It was just a slender dragon...That's it. I don't know, but given it was Tim Burton given the creative licence to make something that ultimately embodies all the fear, shame, despair and downright darkness from two different worlds of turmoil, in a physical form, I was expecting more than the "well lets just make it like a big bad Eragon and have her cut its' head off, eh?". And that's what happened. She cut it's head off...no surprises given you saw an image of it happening at the VERY START. Then the white queen is restored, the red queen banished, but not killed (cause killing anything but talking dragons is a sin kids) and the Hatter does a dance so unabashedly appealing to the minds of small children and people who read The Herald Sun that it honestly made me want to leave the cinema and shove the excrement found in the cinema bathroom all over Johnny Depps promos for the film.
Actually I have to say, apart from the dancing, the performances were extremely solid given the complete lack of any substance in the writing. Helena Bonham-Carter did a reasonable red queen, Anne Hathaway did a superb white queen, Johnny Depp was a sometimes inspiring, oft annoying Hatter, Rickman a good caterpillar, Christopher Lee an awesome Jabberwocky for the line and a half he had, etc. etc. etc. However it didn't stop that drooping feeling of disappointment when Alice gets everything she ever wanted and just about poops out a rainbow of sheer joy.
And that, folks, is the embodiment of what I felt with this film. Disappointment. Everyone heard Burton was doing an Alice in Wonderland remake and was like "WTF AWESOME" but ultimately it barely rates a sidebar in what looks like a promising year for film. It could have been good. It wasn't.
Thanks Folks, this has been Shady.
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