An Arrogant What?

Tosser. An Arrogant Tosser. Capitalised as a title because, apparently folks, your old/somewhat worn/very new friend Shady is one. Some people, not to name names, have been sharing around the hate recently, and this new title bubbled to the surface of their evil virulent ooze. AND it fascinates me. In fact, I'm not even completely sure the title is unfair in some ways, but nevertheless, it was pause for thought!

SO, it was with this new found titbit of information I stalked back into the shadycave and, like the hermit returning to civilisation must trim his glorious beard and shave his fungus infested toenails, I decided to scrutinise what it was that made me such as my title. Don't worry, I won't bore you with the personal growth tales so prevalent to most blogs, instead fast forward through to the parts that are kind of applicable and interesting to others.

1. Vocabulary.

This seemed the least problematic of Shadys' idiosyncrasies (the most being my apparent indescribable need to speak in the third person occasionally) so I found it an admirable place to start. I use a larger vocabulary than is sometimes needed, not because I want to show how much better I am than you, really, just because it actually describes how I'm feeling better to use phrases such as "indefatigably brilliant" rather than just "good". However, it has more than once gotten me into trouble and made me look like an asshole.

For instance, my friend Unnameable (preferably pronounced Unna-may-bel, as opposed to the actual word which some what detracts from the personable person she is) is a very smart person. She does things I could not be bothered with, and does them well, such as chemistry, which I respect like I respect people who could sit through the whole six seasons of Lost. Personally I'd probably have gauged one of my eyeballs out with a pencil just for entertainment instead of take part in either of the two aforementioned activities, but each to their own. However, she has the vocabulary closer to that of a well educated cucumber than a high-achieving academic. This has been a sticking point in the relationship as it basically means every time I use a word more than 7 letters long I will more often than not need to explain it.

Now, the answer to furthering the relationship would be something close to; stop being such an insufferable mother-fucker and dim it down a shade. However, the course of action I take is more like; try and teach Unnameable how to use the English language. This isn't the job of a friend, more your teacher or tutor or whatever your local learning agent cares to call themselves. BUT because I know something, I feel a need to pass it on.

Thereby looking like an arrogant tosser.

However, I feel this is something more than just I suffer from, as many people have a better vocabulary than old Shady here, and probably get more annoyed at not being understood than myself also. Therefore I kept exploring the wilderness of my person and trudged deeper into the heart of darkness.

2. Clothing

Apart from every other person assuming I'm homosexual from the way I dress causing crippling self doubt in this area, I always thought I dressed reasonably. Apart from that time I dressed up as Adam Ant and decided to become a highwaymen. That was understandably a mistake. I like shirts, shoes and jackets. Shopping is something I enjoy more than most and I probably spend more here than is usually needed in search of something unique and cool.

But was it this nigh obsession with the clothing that was causing my image to be diminished in such a way it would possibly tear Li-Lo from her chicken and cocaine diet? It seemed possible, I was told I overdress. I also bought such ridiculous items of clothing as: Japanese Biker Goggles (Not suitable for riding a bike with), Neckerchiefs (Never to underestimate the power of the Bandito), Cravats, Oversized head-phones (not actually used for listening to music), Bow-Ties and Suspenders. Maybe it was this, may I say, boisterous choices of clothing that caused the issue?

But then I realised that if Smith and Preston of the Matt varieties could pull off these combinations in their respective time-slots, surely they are merely quirky rather than jarringly strange and alienating?

Onward we plod through the cratered desert of my psyche.

3.My Blogging?

This was quickly dismissed as my blogging exists in surges similar in timing to the releases of Tron films and my 3 or so readers aren't those who would think too badly of my tosser-y arrogance.

4.My Arrogant Tossering.

It was now I entered the palace at the centre of my mind, the salty, saucy inside of my inner Chicken Kiev, and stumbled upon the answer. Right next to my giant golden statues of Tim Burton, Joss Whedon and Paul Dempsey, standing like erect, flat bottomed sponge fingers. Surrounded by frollicking ferrets reminiscent of fennel sausages and other related breakfast items. So large it nearly blocked out the sun, beating down like some massive molten Malteser in the sky, it hit me.

I really was quite hungry.

But then I stopped thinking about my stomach for a second and realised I too, like my idols, was a statue held upon a pedestal. I realised then. this is who Shady is. Get over it already.

Now if you'll leave me alone I'll return to my Final Fantasy and not post for another 2-3 weeks.

Thanks Folks, This has been Shady.